Numb
by Antonia-x
Summary: Loosely based on S27E14 spoilers. Dylan and Sam cause a scene at the Christmas party, told from Zoe's perspective.


**I should not be given preview clips; spoilers or magazines, it turns out well for no one and I tend to make it as distressing as possible. **

**However Dylan is sad; and ever so slightly angry and possible that's all you need to know.**

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It was only as she glanced across the crowded pub into the furthest corner; the corner where Sam and Dylan had been huddled for almost half an hour that Zoe Hanna recognised that she'd encountered a sight she never thought she'd be privy to. Zoe had watched as her usually teetotal colleague had gotten steadily drunker, initially refusing the wine he'd been offered before quickly matching her glass for glass. He'd once told her that he'd stopped drinking, that he hadn't touched a drop in over a year – she could make that two until this very night. Whilst Zoe could not make out the words which were being exchanged by the former couple, even she wasn't drunk enough to dismiss Sam's posture, the woman stood from the stool opposite Dylan and appeared to begin pacing for the briefest of moments before returning her focus to the stoic man. Zoe sensed the nerves from her younger colleague and she did not envy her position; she'd been aware of Sam's discomfort from the moment Dylan had lifted his wine glass for the first time.

Zoe stopped reflecting almost instantly the moment the noise of a stool scrapped across the floor echoed around the pub, and she noted the way Sam dropped from her seated position to her knees right at Dylan's feet. Dylan did not even react to his former wife's extreme reaction, even when she raised both her hands and placed them on either side of his face. Sam appeared to think for a moment and Zoe convinced herself that the younger doctor would move her hands and step away from the man she very clearly still cared for. However Sam never and instead she raised herself, yet remained on her knees, as she let her forehead fall against Dylan's own. Zoe could make out Sam's lips moving yet she was talking much too quietly, probably deliberately, for anyone but Dylan to make out the words which she was saying to her ex-husband.

A quick glance around the room indicated to Zoe that she was not the only one interested in the seemingly the intimate exchange between the former couple, she glanced at Tom who stood at the opposite end of the room from Sam, yet seemed to be watching her every move with interest. His scowl seemed to deepen at Sam's movement towards Dylan, and the object of Tom's attention grabbed at Dylan's hands in that moment and seemed to desperately pleading with him. Zoe considered that Tom's reaction should probably not have been as unexpected as she'd originally found it – it had been obvious to everyone, apparently Dylan included – that her two most junior doctors had become much more than just friends in recent months. She tried to smile at her younger colleague, but Linda caught her eye and nodded in a way which interested her, Zoe returned her attention to the couple in the corner, Sam's hand had moved so that her fingers were running through Dylan's hair gently – it seemed in an act of comfort, which Zoe could not understand.

Zoe tracked down Tom quickly. He appeared to have stationed himself at the bar whether this was because he had a better view of Sam and Dylan from there, or merely because he was much nearer a source of alcohol, Zoe was not sure. It was a sense of disappointment that Zoe realised she could no longer see the chirpy shop worker, who appeared to have been the cause of and injured party in Dylan's foray to alcohol that night. Zoe hadn't understood the harshness of Dylan's words in her direction, but she had felt painfully sorry for Amanda following his much unexpected outburst. Sam had taken charge of him almost instantly; grabbing his am and pulling him just far enough away from the crowd of assembled staff for her words not have been overheard but for her furious reaction to be noted. She stalked off at once, fury written across her face, returning to Tom's side and picking up her own wine glass before marching back to Dylan. From that moment they had found themselves in the corner of the bar. Zoe shook her head towards Linda, hoping that her colleague would understand she was none the wiser about both what was happening or Sam's reaction.

Zoe assumed she could well understand Sam's anger, if she was correct in her assumptions that Dylan's drinking habits had cost him his marriage, as well as the near destruction of his career. It only crossed her mind that perhaps Sam was unaware of that development – as far as Zoe had been made aware, Dylan and Sam had had strictly no contact in the three years between their separation and her Holby arrival. Even if just a year beforehand Zoe could not fathom how such a couple as Dylan and Sam could have worked successfully in a marriage, she now at least knew that they both desperately cared for the other. She had seen first-hand the concern Dylan had for Sam when he felt she was under potential threat; Linda had gleefully filled her in on Sam's complete distress when Dylan had been trapped, along with herself, during the ED fire.

Neither had any particular gracefulness with words, Zoe knew, nor she'd never heard either really expressing any sort of emotion succinctly before. Though Zoe considered that she really did have to accept that she been present when Sam did nearly fall to pieces during her GMC hearing when recounting the horrors of her Afghan deployment; even after that particularly heart rending few moments her husband had still been unable to provide her the comfort she craved. With that thought in her mind Zoe considered that perhaps she did not blame a twenty-three old Sam for walking out of marriage before they'd even made it to their second year. Zoe knew that in her shoes she would have reacted similarly – though very possibly with less grace.

Zoe watched as Sam's face fell; she had no way of ever knowing what Dylan had said to his wife but the look of both guilt and devastation was present on Sam's face. Sam pulled Dylan carefully against her chest and into her arms, threading their fingers together, seemingly much to Dylan's confusion. Zoe averted her eyes quickly suddenly feeling like she was an intruder on a very private moment, though before she did Zoe did recognise the familiarity of Sam's gesture; as though the position, the tender caresses of Sam's fingers across Dylan's cheek, as well as their locked fingers were not a recent or unusual occurrence in the relationship.

Attempt to pull her attention away from the events in the corner of the room Zoe emerged herself completely in the hilarity of the evening. She noted when she was approaching the bar that Lloyd and Fletch appeared to making some attempt at engaging Tom in whatever conversation they were having – however the doctor's attention was completely captured by the activities in the far corner of the room. Allowing herself one glance as followed Tom's gaze Zoe noted the way in which Sam's head rested, somewhat uncomfortably looking, on Dylan's shoulder and they appeared to be having a conversation without actually looking at each other. Lifting her newest glass of wine Zoe began to step away from the bar – taking the time to survey her colleagues around her, if she excluded the small scene in the opposite side of the bar – she was faced with a completely normal scene; Jeff and Dixie were joking with Big Mac and Noel, Charlie and Tess wrapped in conversation and a throw away glance over her shoulder told her Tom had resumed a very slight flirtation with the barmaid.

Zoe wasn't aware how long had passed before the sound of tables almost being overturned, drew the attention of every person to the corner where Sam and Dylan had sat forgotten; even if they had not turned the sound of heels would have been enough information for them to understand that it had been Sam who walked away from the conversation. Why was anyone's guess. However instead of walking away completely, Sam turned on her heel and there was a moment where she and Dylan stood staring at one another – and every eye was on them, waiting. Then she sighed and turned away from him and Zoe had no idea what Dylan had said or how fresh the tears which were falling unchallenged down Sam's face were. She looked exasperated when she approached the bar; she barely even looked at Tom despite the way which his gaze should have been burning a hole in her side. Yet, when Sam lifted her newly purchased glass of wine to her lips and gulped at the liquid in a way which made even Zoe wince, she had no idea how she could help the situation in anyway.

There was the briefest of moments where it had looked like Sam was going to return to Tom's side; but before she could move, Dylan was by her side and the scowl on her face as he handed over the money for another glass of wine told Zoe all she had to know about Sam's feelings. Zoe found that she had to turn away when a fresh stream of tears forced their way down Sam's cheeks, unable to deal with Sam's extreme reaction. Zoe found that she was suddenly very grateful for Jeff, when the paramedic bundled the distraught doctor into his arms and just held her for a few moments – just long enough for her regain her composure. It seemed a few deep breaths were all Sam needed and soon after she was following Dylan back into the corner they'd occupied for most of the night and sitting down opposite him. Zoe smiled slightly at Sam's determination.

Again the former couple had descended into a whispered conversation. A conversation which whilst Zoe could not hear yet, from their expressions, could tell was making them both undoubtedly saddened. Then all too suddenly there was a raised voice: Sam. "Please," spoken in a way Zoe had never heard Sam speak before, almost begging. Dylan seemed oblivious to her words and stood anyway, venturing towards the bar. Sam didn't stand, she simply turned her body to face the bar. "Please," she pressed again and Zoe felt painfully sorry for her. "Dylan, please don't." Zoe chewed at her lower lip, struggling to decide what to do. Linda was staring at her; Lloyd was staring at Tom, and Zoe understood that they both felt something should be done, but she had no idea what.

Dylan paid no attention and swiftly returned to his seat. Sam moved then, she knelt on the floor in front of him, as she had done earlier and reached out to take his hand in hers, saying something Zoe couldn't hear. "To feel nothing," came Dylan's reply and Zoe assumed the question was why. "To feel numb. So I don't remember about you and him." He continued. Dylan drained his glass and very quickly got to his feet, only slightly unsteadily; Sam stood as though to help him and he shook her hand from his arm roughly. The tears came and Sam looked as though she'd been slapped. Dylan walked out then, he made eye contact with no one and Sam remained rooted to the spot. Zoe continued to chew on her lower lip and then much to her relief Tom moved across the room; he pulled Sam towards him and as his arms wrapped round her and she buried her face in his neck the tears she'd been crying refused to remain silent. Then all of sudden she was crying so much Zoe could see her shaking and Tom rocked her back and forth without saying a word, no one else said a word either.

It hadn't been how Zoe had expected her Christmas party to end and she rather suspected that neither Dylan nor Sam had expected to the focus of a particularly distressing scene. Zoe certainly knew it wasn't how she expected Dylan to finally make some attempt at telling Sam he wasn't quite over her yet.

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**If you are here and got through that ramble I am both impressed & grateful; I do hope that you enjoyed. If not, I completely understand. Regardless, thank-you for reading.**

**Ax**


End file.
